There is a beautiful passage in St John’s Gospel which tells the story of the woman caught in adultery. When the Scribes and Pharisees brought her to Jesus before being stoned, his response is so powerful; it always gives me goose bumps. Jesus says: “Let the one among you who is without sin, be the first to throw a stone at her.” (John 8:7) WOW! The power of these words are so great that the only option the Scribes and Pharisees have is to walk away. Jesus is so awesome.
My life was empty
When I think about my own life, I can see that Jesus has done the same for me. He has saved me and brought me into a personal, loving friendship with himself. Before meeting this incredible person called Jesus Christ, I was depressed and my whole life was in a mess and it felt meaningless and empty. At night, when I went to bed I would ask the Lord, “God, why did you create me? I am worthless, a total waste of space. My parents deserve so much better than me”. My heart would ache and I would often cry myself to sleep. This was my life in a nutshell before finding God. I would sometimes try to make sharp objects to cut myself but I didn’t have the guts to actually do it. To the outside world, I seemed like a perfectly normal girl enjoying life, but the real me would be desperately searching to fill the void inside me. I remember trying to fill this emptiness through heavy metal music, films, boys and friendships but none of these could fully satisfy me. Things grew so bad that sometimes I couldn’t see any hope for the future but I knew deep down inside me that there was something to live for.
God loves me
My mum has a very strong faith and at the age of sixteen, through the power of her prayers, I attended a retreat in London. Even deciding to go was a miracle in itself because my family didn’t usually drive very far or stay away from home much. The first day of the retreat went okay, but nothing really touched me, I couldn’t see why it was such a big deal. On the second day, my family was able to talk to one of the team running the retreat. While he was praying for us, the Holy Spirit revealed to him my suicidal tendencies and as soon as he mentioned it I was in complete shock, I didn’t know what to do or say, I was astonished. I didn’t know which was worse, this random guy telling me about my life or the fact that my parents were sitting next to me listening to my deepest secret being revealed. Somehow I managed to hold back the tears and then the Holy Spirit revealed to him a message for me and it was that God loves me. This really touched me and my tears began to flow because I knew deep down that it was true, he wasn’t making it up. God really did love me.
I surrendered myself to him
I felt so happy and wanted to know more about Jesus. I went back to the Church and surrendered myself to the Lord and said, ‘God you know me, you know my inner thoughts, you know everything and I need you’. It has been two years since that moment and ever since then the void inside me has been filled with the greatest person ever to walk on this earth, the Creator of the universe, Jesus Christ. Each day with Jesus I feel like I grow more and more in him and his love. Although I often turn away from him and I’m unfaithful, he reminds me that he is enough. There is nothing in this world that can ever give me the fulfilment that he alone can give. He has worked wonderful miracles in my life, such as in my A-level exams. In secondary school, I was in the foundation groups for most of my subjects and I barely passed my GCSEs. So when I started college I really struggled with my first human biology lesson where they were talking about different neurochemicals. I remember leaving that first lesson at college thinking that I have no idea what they were talking about so I prayed to Jesus asking him to help me. The next day, the teacher decided to go back to basics and teach us about the human body. I understood it much better after that lesson. Before my exams I asked Jesus to only bring up the questions that I had revised for and nothing else and each time he has done it. Praise God. He has also blessed me with an amazing friend who prays for me and I can honestly say that Jesus has helped me to pass my A-levels.
A testing time
As I walk daily with Jesus, I realise that he is so good. Not only does he help me but he also teaches me that sometimes in life I may not get my own way or have my prayers answered the way I expect. But I have learned to trust that God’s will and His purpose for my life is so much bigger than my plans. It can be confusing at the time but eventually everything will fall into place. He taught me this through my dad’s healing. My father was perfectly healthy until one day he started to become weak. At the time, my Mum and sister were in India so I, with the help of family friends, had to look after him. One day his condition became so bad that we took him to hospital for a check-up. They found that there was something wrong with his chest and suspected it may be pneumonia or tuberculosis and admitted him. It was three o’clock in the morning and I was worried because I would have to go back home by myself. By God’s grace, our family friends let me stay with them overnight. For a week and a half my daily routine was to go to college during the day, return home and then go to the hospital and then back home. I was alone most of the time, everything seemed to have happened so fast and I was very frightened. I would often cry to the Lord and ask him to do something. He always answered in one way or another by comforting me in the silence or by speaking through others. He never let me down.
My father was healed
Dad was discharged but he reacted badly to the tablets that the doctors had prescribed and he began to act differently. He wasn’t able to sleep, he wasn’t hungry and he was often scared. It was very difficult for us to handle the situation but we trusted in the Lord. We knew that he wouldn’t give us anything that
“god, who is rich in mercy, out ofthe great love with which he loved us even when we were dead through our trespasses, made us alive together with christ.” Ephesians 2: 4 – 5
we couldn’t handle even though the situation was very tough. Dad’s condition got worse and we took him back to the hospital where they found that his sodium level was very low and he was at risk of having a seizure and going into a coma. By God’s grace, we were in time before anything serious happened to him and they took him to the High Dependency Unit. There are a few Malayali families where I live and they have a weekly prayer group. Whilst praying together one Saturday, the Holy Spirit gave this verse to one of the members: “I saw their ways, but I will heal them and lead them; I will give full comfort to them and to those who mourn for them, I, the Creator, who gave them life” (Isaiah 57: 18). We trusted the Holy Spirit and believed the Lord was healing my dad and we thanked Him. After several days my dad was perfectly healthy again by God’s amazing grace and mercy and the doctor who treated him couldn’t understand how it had happened. But we knew that nothing is impossible for God.
My faith was strengthened
Since this happened, my faith and relationship with Jesus has grown stronger. He always remains faithful to me despite my failures. I know his love is way beyond human understanding and through the sacrifice he made for us, by giving his own life, his grace is greater than our sins. Now that I have Jesus in my life it is worth living and I am living it to the full. He has a wonderful plan for each one of us and his love for us is so great that all we need to do is to accept it and let him work his purpose out in us. I’m not ashamed to share my testimony because as St Paul says: “I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” (2 Corinthians 12: 9) I thank God for all the opportunities he has given me and pray that all of you who read this may experience him and his grace in your own personal life.
Written by Merin Thomas